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New Commercial....Does it work?
After working most of 2010 ( Since March) in this new medium (for me), I decided I needed a commercial to post on my New Website. To give folks an over-view of the type of work I do.
Question, do you think this does it?
Yes. It is me in the Commercial. And No, I am decidedly not a trained speaker. I just felt folks might want to see who I am and my work.
I had originally wanted it to be shorter, but this is what came of my effort.
Thanks in advance for critiques!
<object width="640" height="385">
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f4RxZGRtW1U?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></object>
Question, do you think this does it?
Yes. It is me in the Commercial. And No, I am decidedly not a trained speaker. I just felt folks might want to see who I am and my work.
I had originally wanted it to be shorter, but this is what came of my effort.
Thanks in advance for critiques!
<object width="640" height="385">
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f4RxZGRtW1U?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></object>
tom wise
0
Comments
I liked it, but did find it to be a bit long and disconnected with the 4 different songs. (I would probably cut or drastically shorten the song about the album)
My favorite part was when you were talking.... and then cool when you stepped into the screen. Pretty neat effects.
The screen within a screen sort of worked, but I found the text on the inner screen a bit too small to be impacting.
Right! Glad you liked that "me" component!
So, You think this could stand to be shortened? I wanted it much shorter but wasn't certain if I could pull that off effectively, and still be able to showcase my abilities/work??
I appreciate the critical eyes just for these kind of reasons!
Winter being on now, I ought to have time to regroup and give it another go.
Thanks!
I noticed the Gridlines and placement and was bothered by that as well. As a matter of course and Graphics, that particular scene was a composition that was placed in another composition that was the Big Screen and finally into a Composition that was the Movie..so very hard to plan that much real-Estate in advance. Not that I should accept mediocre work, just sayin...
Art Thanks for the Kudo's on getting in Front of the Camera. It was not the easiest thing I ever did. Being on the Fence in Myers-Briggs, you can understand.
You think writing about yourself is hard, try talking in front of a camera about yourself.
A component of the overall scheme is deciding what medium this will be viewed on and upon...makes it interesting to figure out and shoot.
Thanks for the Insights....Keep 'em coming good/bad...So far so good!
You mentioned things you do but except for the media expertise there where no visual queues on the left side of the screen related to what you were saying. Of course the images were but that is to subtle for me. Having word queues float in with most of the images, like you did with "Media..." would make it easier for me to internalize what you are offering.
After you left the screen the vid seemed to drag. In most commercials there is a cut just about every 3 seconds or so that keeps your interest up... if there is anything interesting at all about floor polish :-).
I think it would have more impact if the end of the commercial consisted with much shorter clips and words related to the services you are offering. Providing info on as many different channels at once seems to have more impact and is better remembered.
Of course this is strictly IMHO, overall I liked it but it just seems to drag on after you left the screen.
http://www.danalphotos.com
http://www.pluralsight.com
http://twitter.com/d114
Here are some of my thoughts, in no particular order:
It is too long, as has been noted. Especially at the end. I'm not sure what I'm looking at exactly. I guess it's all of your services? But it's confusing and overly produced. Lots of flash for little information. That's my broadest note: just because you can doesn't mean you should. I would tone the piece back considerably. You want people to know that you can do that stuff, but also that you know when to get out of the way and let them come through.
Which brings me to my second thought: lose the grid shortly after you walk through it. If you transition to full screen your work will show through better and you'll get fewer comments like "there was this blue thing". A totally valid comment, not only about the blue thing, but the fact that it's all that much smaller in the frame you've made. When you do this the music needs to be less ambient. It's too dreamy. Maybe that means losing the first piece of music altogether, maybe it means just changing as you transition to full screen. But something that's lively that will give you the opportunity to do something besides having the images languidly flow across the screen. The ambient quality of this makes the cut to the next piece of music all the more jarring.
Transitions. They're tough, and you're coming up against that full force. Watch the details like the way you fade out the background around the grid at the beginning. The fade starts abruptly, goes smoothly for a bit, then just cuts off. That would be the time to bring the grid up full frame and fade it out as well.
Related to that is music cutting. I highly recommend that you spend some time just cutting music. Start with a song you like and cut it down to 2 minutes, 1 minute and 30 second beds. Cutting music can be really fun and rewarding when you hide the edit, and frustrating when you can't find the right cut point. sometimes a straight cut will work, sometimes you need to do a crossfade between them. Sometimes you need to have them on separate tracks so you can control the fade in/out on each separately (like if one needs to hang on longer into the incoming music). Cut different kinds of music: rock, country, film score, classical, whatever. Just get fluent in it. You'll have to learn to count time when you cut (in a 4/4 song you want to cut from 1 to 1, not 1 to 3, for instance). When you are able to cut a song down, try cutting from one to another. Some will work and some won't. Experiment.
Some music just cannot be cut together. I have a feeling that this applies to a couple of songs in your piece. In that case you need to find a way to smooth it out. You've got all the tools already, you just need to apply them: a flare across camera and a cymbal swell or whoosh can work great. Also just a fade to black and back up can work. Once you have a better understanding of how to cut music you'll have a better ear for what doesn't work and needs to have some separation. You could use these transitions to help the viewer out more with what we're seeing. I wasn't clear why I was looking at those music videos.
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I like the idea of having me duck going into the screen...haha!
And you are right on several other fronts. One, True commercials and even movies for that matter cut very often... and offer another perspective.
2. I obviously need to look closely at the Visual cue's I am sending with the narrative.
Thanks for chiming in Dan7312!!
IMO you are very fortunate to have a career in media where you get to do this kind of stuff, Cutting music, effects and transitions and compositing.
I figure I'm a good 3 years away from being at the Journeyman level and I look forward to it. Of course, I may surprise myself and get along quicker than that, but from what I have seen and considering the other programs I have that I've not worked in much yet. 3 years seems like a minimum, which I am okay with.
One of the things I am interminably confronted with is deciding in what medium will my work be seen. Most of the time I figure the Web...but what Size Monitor will be used to view it, etc? I wanted to showcase my work, efforts and somewhat my sense of self. Which if I take the critiques into consideration means: I am long-winded and lose my Jazz rather quickly, and lack timing. And though all that could be true, I'd rather not be seen that way.
It is interesting what you say about Music. I wonder then, How I show one or two, preferably two Music Vid's I did? Along with Some of my art works, AND my graphics work....Maybe the answer is, I don't. I show them separately and let folks see for themselves the whole enchilada of a given work, such as a Music Video. I'm gonna seriously think on this one! Maybe it should follow that this idea is why I created this Website...as a Hub from which a person could decide which medium they wished to see and skip the rest.
Please do expand on the Music cutting thing...I really have no experience in that and have no idea where to begin. I can count, at least until I run out of toes and fingers. I do play several instruments actively, so music is not foreign to me...but please do school me on this cutting thing if you're inclined. Meanwhile I'll Google it too!
Taking this kind of time to critique me is a gift. I see it as gifting me something, I thank you for that!
Same with everyone else. Huge gifts to me from folks that care and will take the time to give a viewpoint and present an argument.
Some things money just cannot buy!
Once you walk through into the grid, the frame area becomes a waste of space.
The second comment is that, while you scripted it as an introduction with a single video, it actually plays like an intro with several videos spliced together.
One thought is to address this in two ways. The first is to bring the video to full screen when you want to feature it. The second is to bring back both the frame and the narration to tie the segments together as well as for a conclusion at the end. As for the length, I think you should concentrate first on building a story arc and carrying your viewer along and then take a look a pacing. The key issue is not so much the length but rather to make sure that the thread is not lost in any of the segments.
If the music doesn't cut directly together, you need to add a transition both visually and audibly. A whoosh/swish/cymbal swell, something to separate the two.
I'll think on the music editing thing, maybe we can start an exercise thread here. Give me a bit to think on it.
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I like the beginning YOU and the part where you walked into frame and looked toward the pictures.
But like others the length got to me. Not that the scenes were bad but just the attention span. It seems to me that if you could break them up into separate sections of preferred interest of what your customer could be looking for. Like when you walk into the frame if there could be three separate doors with the name of the medium of choice. Portraits,Video etc.. I dont know how you would do it. But it is my 2 cents.
Great work you have done. Very professional.
http://kadvantage.smugmug.com/
Hey Chris, Thanks for stopping by to comment! Man that idea about three separate doors is why I posted this thing. The suggestions get better and Better!
You're actually the First person to mention my turn towards the photos and then exit in the opposite direction. Even My Gf didn't notice, and I did that as a tip of the hat to her and the photo she is in with which I won DSS #61.
By the time this thread runs it's course, I'll have a newly conceived "about-Me" commercial to shoot, with oodles of ideas from you all!
Nice having many artists eyes on my work in such a positive light!
Great Director/direction ideas! Thanks!
I thought that picture looked familiar. I will check back to see the new one
http://kadvantage.smugmug.com/
I've started the exercise thread, here.
Dgrin FAQ | Me | Workshops