Only deal through referrals or....

torags · February 20, 2009

I thought you folks would get a kick out of this..

Unable to conceive children, the Smiths decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon. Don't have too much fun!”

Mrs. Smith cuffed him roundly on the ear and swatted him out the door.

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning, Ma'am,” he said, “I've come to...”

“Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, blushing. Not wanting the neighbors to see her male visitor, she hurried the photographer in the door, “I've been expecting you.”

“Have you really?” said the startled photographer with a smile. “Well, that's great! Did you know babies are my specialty?”

Coyly, Mrs. Smith looked away, “Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat – or – oh my, where do we start?”

“You leave everything to me, little lady. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. Do you have a fireplace? – that creates a wonderful mood.”

Mrs. Smith, now blushing furiously, “Bathtub, living room floor? Oh, my!”

“Well, ma'am, no one can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and go from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.”

“I'm not sure I can make it that long,” gasped Mrs. Smith.

“Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm afraid you might be disappointed with the results. If we take things at a reasonable pace, I'm sure we'll have no trouble getting through it. I have a lot of experience at this.”

“Well, I'm certainly willing to try,” said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his captain's case and pulled out a portfolio of sample baby pictures. “We did this on on the top of a bus,” he laughed. “That was a great day.”

“Oh, my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her bodice.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so challenging.”

“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.

“Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around two and three deep to get a good look.”

“Two and three deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

“Yes,” the photographer replied. “And it went on for hours and hours. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to start really rushing – and I hate to rush. Especially when you're using a tripod...”

'A tripod?!'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's way too too big to support for very long without one...”

Mrs. Smith fainted.