Request for feedback on advertisement idea

goldenstarphoto

We are considering running the following ad: would request any feedback or advice. Thanks!

__________See Ad Below__________

Golden Star Photo has been very blessed since our inception last spring. As our way of saying “thank you” we are offering FREE photography services to our local community.



In order to qualify for this free service, you must meet and agree to the following criteria:

 Your charity organization…group or sports team MUST be non profit;
 You must allow Golden Star Photo access to your event at no charge;
 You must allow Golden Star Photo to post the photos of your event “For Sale” on our website. The purpose of this is two fold. To help raise money for your organization and advertisement for Golden Star Photo. 100% of the profit from the sale of these photos will go directly to your organization;
 You must allow Golden Star Photo permission to use your photos in our portfolio and/or in future marketing material(s);
 You must not already have a professional photographer under contract. We are a highly ethical company and would detest the idea of taking work from our friends and colleagues in the phototrophic community.

Please checkout our website www.goldenstarphoto.com, and if are interested in this offer please contact us and we will forward you the necessary paperwork.

* We are limiting this offer to the first ___ approved requests *

Thank you for your time and interest in Golden Star Photo. We look forward to working with you in the near future.

Doug and Cathy
www.goldenstarphoto.com

Art Scott

ASide from being hard to read with the black font color it sounds alright......you are probably not getting to many responses due to the color of your font.....I imagine most on here use the default DGRIN gallery blk for their Dgrin theme............................

Cygnus Studios

Sounds a tad agressive. You are looking to help, but the "you must" doesn't sound very helpful when read. There are a few negative words also, and again it doesn't draw my attention to what could be helpful.
You could leave all of the requirements out of the advertisement and discuss them with the potential client in emails or phone calls.
Keep the ad positive and upbeat. Give them reasons to call you. Share what you bring to the table.
You should always showcase what you will do, not what you won't do. Leave that to the contract.

goldenstarphoto

Cygnus Studios wrote:

Sounds a tad agressive. You are looking to help, but the "you must" doesn't sound very helpful when read. There are a few negative words also, and again it doesn't draw my attention to what could be helpful.
You could leave all of the requirements out of the advertisement and discuss them with the potential client in emails or phone calls.
Keep the ad positive and upbeat. Give them reasons to call you. Share what you bring to the table.
You should always showcase what you will do, not what you won't do. Leave that to the contract.

Thank you, I agree the "must" sounds a tad harsh...... I am trying to gain business while at the same time not trying to get people coming out of the woodwork just wanting something for nothing. Back to the drawing board.

goldenstarphoto

Art Scott wrote:

ASide from being hard to read with the black font color it sounds alright......you are probably not getting to many responses due to the color of your font.....I imagine most on here use the default DGRIN gallery blk for their Dgrin theme............................

Thanks Art. Changed to make it easier to read!

Cygnus Studios

I would suggest that you do the initial contact with some of the local non profits. The vast majority need volunteers. Find out their event schedule and offer to shoot it. Once you do one, others will call.
They all work with each other, and often will combine efforts. You should not have to spend any money to advertise working with non profits. The one caution that I will add, make sure you limit yourself. I do one event a month and all of the local organizations here in the north bay know it.
If you allow it, you will be shooting every day. I am all for helping out and yes, it has always garnered me some paid work, but these events are tough. You can take hundreds of photos, and more often than not they need printing on site, and it takes time editing for the final product.

Shadou

goldenstarphoto wrote:

We are considering running the following ad: would request any feedback or advice. Thanks!

__________See Ad Below__________

Golden Star Photo has been very blessed since our inception last spring. As our way of saying “thank you” we are offering FREE photography services to our local community.



In order to qualify for this free service, you must meet and agree to the following criteria:

 Your charity organization…group or sports team MUST be non profit;
 You must allow Golden Star Photo access to your event at no charge;
 You must allow Golden Star Photo to post the photos of your event “For Sale” on our website. The purpose of this is two fold. To help raise money for your organization and advertisement for Golden Star Photo. 100% of the profit from the sale of these photos will go directly to your organization;
 You must allow Golden Star Photo permission to use your photos in our portfolio and/or in future marketing material(s);
 You must not already have a professional photographer under contract. We are a highly ethical company and would detest the idea of taking work from our friends and colleagues in the phototrophic community.

Please checkout our website www.goldenstarphoto.com, and if are interested in this offer please contact us and we will forward you the necessary paperwork.

* We are limiting this offer to the first ___ approved requests *

Thank you for your time and interest in Golden Star Photo. We look forward to working with you in the near future.

Doug and Cathy
www.goldenstarphoto.com

I'm going to agree with the others here. It sounds VERY agressive and to much of "accept our services or else" kind of tone. If I was looking to hire a photographer and I came across this, I wouldn't give it a second glance. Kind of turned me off from the second paragraph. Change your words around a bit and it will sound better.

goldenstarphoto

Thanks everyone, I appreciate those that took the time to give me feedback. That's why DGRIN is the best forum!