Any professional Grannies and Grandpa's in here????

ApertureGranny

OK... In short: I am a childrens photographer, and I recently became a grandma. I was over the moon with the baby, so is everyone in my family, but one big problem.
My DIL hates my guts, with a passion. (No need to tell more, this is the essence, that she hates my guts)
I went to hospital to welcome the new baby, with my camera of course...
And got kicked out of hospital BY A SCREAMING DIL because she did not want me to take pics of the baby...
Now I know all about hormones and such, and protective moms, but this is all besides the essence again... All women have hormones raging after birth, but that is not the same as yelling against people you don't like. There is something called polite and civilized...

The point is that they want me to be "grandmother" instead of "photographer". (As if you can split the two...)
I am very respectful, snapping babies and family portraits is my big thing in life, so of course I was completely shell shocked when they threw me out because I was snapping the newborn...

I am not a pedofile, I am a normal mother, grandmother (well, trying to) and I live abroad. I had to travel a day to get to hospital, and I normally only go home to my kids twice a year, for a couple of days.

My question is if other grandparent photographers have encountered something similar, and how can I cope with it. I had my brother intervene on my behalf, to talk to my son and trying to find out what I did wrong, not the essence really, as all I did wrong as assuming they were going to be happy with nice photographs of their baby. Again, I am respectful, no flashes, ambient light, as I do with all my baby and kiddie shoots.

The compromise my brother could achieve was that I am not allowed to take photographs, but they are going to take them and send them to my husband, not to me... (As if my husband will not send them on to me...). They sent me 3 so far... all bad of course...

The point is that the baby is now two months old, and I DO NOT HAVE A FRIGGIN SHARP PHOTOGRAPH OF THAT BABY... Since I live abroad, I do not get to see it, hear it... whatever one could expect from new parents...

I could go to court of course, and the judges will give me access to the baby, but that is truly a last resort solution, it would be far more nice if I could just go and visit, and come home happy granma with some pics of her grandchild...

The relationship with my DIL is such that she does not know me as I moved abroad before my son met her, I do not know her, I have made zillion attempts to try to get to know her, the point being that she does not want to get to know me. I am the MIL out of hell, without knowing why, so very difficult to tackle as I am not sure or do not know what exactly she is blaming me for...

Is there a legal rule/boundary against photographers wanting to snap their own grandchildren????

I gave them a camera too, as they had none, so they do take photographs, and her father takes photographs too, thing is that the pics they take are of terrible quality, hurting my eyes, and her parents do not want to send on any pics to me obviously because they are her parents and I do understand that they feel very bad about the situation, but in the end choose side with their daughter. I have full comprehension of that...

What am I to do?????

I got myself a small "nana-camera", a canon powershot, but my heart is cringing as I have my trusted D300 that i can use for strange babies, but not for my grandbaby...

HELLLLPPPPPPPP

Aspecto5

Hmmm....I don't think this has anything to do with you being a photographer. Just a terrible case of family politics which a lot of us can probly relate too. The only thing I can think of is if this is your son, then why not the two of you, with the baby, find a nice location and snap a few shots. Will he do that for you?

ApertureGranny

Aspecto5 wrote:

Hmmm....I don't think this has anything to do with you being a photographer. Just a terrible case of family politics which a lot of us can probly relate too. The only thing I can think of is if this is your son, then why not the two of you, with the baby, find a nice location and snap a few shots. Will he do that for you?

Not at this point because he is very loyal to his wife. Which is a good thing. She would never let him go out with a tiny baby without knowing where he would take it, and the minute she would know it is for me, it would be a giant NO-NO.
Also, I want to keep trying to win her confidence, as for me it is important that my son can be happy with her, and not having to choose between mother or wife.
It hurts me terribly that she does not want to get to know me, because I sure would like to get to know her better. She is a very smart cookie, but obviously has no life knowledge...
He told me yesterday on the phone that she does NOT want to get to know me, so I am a bit flabbergasted by that... I wonder how you can refuse to get to know people, especially if they matter to loved ones, without ever having had a decent conversation... Sigh... It is totally breaking my heart as I LOVE babies, and this one was love at first sight. Of course, she is my granddaughter... ;o))))

Aspecto5

Well that's not a good deal. It must be frustrating going through this with no real explanation. I don't really have any advice besides putting some pressure on yer boy to get it all figured out. And doing the court thing will definitely get her blood boiling. I just hope this turns out better for you. Children need there grandparents. The more positive influences from family members, the better.

ApertureGranny

Aspecto5 wrote:

Well that's not a good deal. It must be frustrating going through this with no real explanation.

It is extremely frustrating because it is hard to explain to people why I want a good photograph so bad... I find it extremely hard to realize that I have cutie baby pics of babies I don't know, but not one nice one of my own grandbaby.
It is also influencing my job at this point as I have babies to snap and get emotionally disturbed thinking of my own grandbaby... Can't let that go too far... It is crud if you stand in front of parents sobbing while shooting.

Never thought that I ever of my life would be in such a situation. And no, the court is only the ultimate thing to do, as I realise that this will worsen things even more. If there is more... ;o((((

Dionysus

I'm not trying to be nosy, but this whole scenario begs the question...Why does your daughter in law hate you so much? People usually don't hate their spouse's parents just because, with no reason. I don't know how much more detailed advice you can get unless we know the depth of the situation.

Of course, that's your right to keep it to yourself. But in case you do share, we don't need a book, just a little bit more info.

Mitchell

Sadly, there is nothing you can really do about your DIL. Obviously, your son has chosen to side with his wife on this and will be of no help resolving this situation. You have no legal right as a grandparent to demand access to your grandchild. I would suggest you speak with your son and have him take the child to a professional photographer for a portrait session.

What is disturbing is how much this is affecting you both personally and professionally. I would suggest you get some professional counseling.

Jwar

Mitchell wrote:

What is disturbing is how much this is affecting you both personally and professionally. I would suggest you get some professional counseling.

+1 with mitch's advice. If you are crying during a session, it should be addressed some how and probably professionally.

Could your son be holding a grudge about something? If she doesn't know you, she must be getting some kind of information from somewhere? Your son, maybe??

alternative---
buy a long 400mm lens, wear camouflage, and hide in their bushes and snap all the pictures you wantwink

Hope things can get worked out.

bmoreshooter

Not much hope
Unfortunately there is not much hope for you in this situation. Unless the courts feel that the child is at risk there's not much hope of a judge doing anything in your favor. If you asked the DIL to allow you to take a picture of your grand child and she refused it's her call. You might try writing her a "very polite" letter and try to explain your feelings to her but from what you've said here she has a really bad feeling toward you. The only thing you can do is find out what her problem is and try to address that issue. As a photographer you have absolutely no rights at all.

ApertureGranny

I raised him as a single parent, with all the good and bad things going with that. I think he holds a grudge, but he is not willing to discuss "old stuff" anymore.
He recently reconnected with his father that left his life when he was four and only came back in his teens.
I used to write an internet diary long time ago, and I sometimes mentioned stuff, without naming names and situations, people who knew me and him knew what I was talking about, people who did not know us could never place us.
He met the girlfriend after I moved abroad, but obviously, she read some of the old stuff (even if no longer applicable - and no longer online - she read parts eight years ago) and I take it that something in there spooked her. Still, people change... My son has changed for the better after meeting her, I changed after moving abroad, and lucky for me in my country of origine, court will give access to grandparents, one good think about the country I left behind. No judge will deny access unless a heavy criminal record...
I am seeing a counselor already, but I did not really needed that part of advice. I wanted to know if there are other grandparents also pro photographers who have a similar story... And how did they tackle it.
The telelens is also a bit far sought, and known to me, but as said, I do live abroad and it costs a lot of money to go over every time. I also want to be able to visit my grandchild without having to sneek around in disguise... This is not a spionage story, it is my grandchild, the first of a whole new generation, and it means a lot to me and my family... I am sure that the counseling will help, in fact it does already, and as time goes on, it will become less emotional, but I am really just looking to hear from grandparents in my situation... Thanks for all the advise so far...

Mitchell

So you only want replies from grandparents who are also photographers?

ApertureGranny

Mitchell wrote:

So you only want replies from grandparents who are also photographers?

Yes... More or less. Maybe this was just not the right place to post my query... Maybe it was a bad idea to post in Dgrin thinking that someone would have had a miracle cure...

I will take it from here, thanks for all the answers. I have taken them all in. This thread can be seen as closed. Don't know if someone can close it for me????

Thanks again...