Detroit - The new Cool Place to be.

dragon300zx

Detroit is Cool! No really, it is. I can’t believe that more people don’t pencil in my hometown as one of their favorite vacation destinations. We have waterfront property, a country across the river where drinking is legal at the age of 19, three casinos in a two-mile radius, and more crack than you'll see in paparazzi photos of Star Jones nude in Monaco.

Detriot also has the first "hip-hop" Mayor, a 32 year-old guy whose wife's Expedition is paid for with taxpayer dollars, and who throws orgies at the Mayor's residence. Now that is the kind of guy that I want leading me in the 21st century. Or at least the kind of guy I want calling me the next time he's going to have a "benefit" at the Manoogian (That would be the suave proper name for the mayor's house. Strippers just call it "Kwame's dope pad."). Excuse me, Mr. Mayor, but what EXACTLY does my $1,000 donation get me. Really?! That brings new meaning to the term “pass the hat.” I can’t wait to see what a Dinner With Kwame event would offer! I don’t know what those Democrats see in that Obama guy from Illinois.

How can a town NOT be cool with a guy like that running the show? And it’s so much more than that. We’ve got festivals galore for you to immerse yourself in. Some people go to see fireworks on the 4th of July to celebrate and witness an exciting pyrotechnical extravaganza. But as you can guess, in Detroit, that just isn’t going to cut the mustard. We have a fully interactive fireworks ensemble, complete with an armed gunman shooting his 9mm and taking out anyone he can find. Just think, you can watch the fireworks, eat some Coneys, and then work them off by running to get out of the line of fire. It’s the best of everything all rolled into one!

We’ve got the Super Bowl here this year. What a great reason to visit! (Plus the MLB All-Star game too! How much fun can one city be?) Forget the fact that it’s colder than a witch’s tit here in Detroit in January. I mean, come on Mary Jane, this is football. The game is played indoors and the fact that you’ll have to dodge gunfire while running to the cab to take you to your five-star hotel in the suburbs is all part of the fun. Even better, find one of the dozens of flophouses downtown. It eliminates the cab from the equation, saves you some money, and allows the locals the opportunity to hone their target-practice skills. You’ll foster a sense of community-building, and your tourism dollars are really helping to grow the downtown area.

And Detroit hasn’t been over run by preppie suburban retailers either…nothing but the real in the D! In fact, we can proudly say that we are the last major city in the U.S. (if not the world) NOT to have a Gap or Banana Republic in the city limits. That’s right, if you want to look like everybody else, you gotta run to the burbs. Shit, you’re lucky to find a K-Mart still open since they restructured themselves out of bankruptcy and merged with Sears. Instead, you can get five pairs of bootleg panties for a dollar at Jennie Rae’s Hair Braiding and Outlet Store on 8 Mile. Talk about one-stop shopping, ladies–lingerie shopping and a weave all in one swoop. For the fellas, take a swing by Big Bird’s Pawn on Fenkell Ave. Just don’t ask where that diamond-encrusted Rolex came from and you will be swimming in the bling. You will be the envy of every man on the block. Holla at yo dogs! And who knows, you might even see Eminem there. How cool is that?

Detroit often gets a bad rap about violence and drugs. I think that is why people stay away from my wonderful hometown. Please don’t worry about that. You can just bring your gun with you. And if you can't legally buy a handgun or AR-15, there are at least a half-million of them floating around on the streets. Just think, the next time somebody cuts you off, forget about giving him/her the bird. A couple of shots out the window with your recently purchased semi-automatic weapon will change their mind about why your bumper sticker says I LOVE DETROIT!

So you’ve come, you’ve visited and are saying to yourself “God, this place is like heaven on earth.” I know. It’s tough to fathom sometimes. I often have people from Gary, IN and East St. Louis, IL comment to me that they thought they’ve have died and gone to heaven. Some even really have, but then the paramedics resuscitate them and they come to Detroit because they heard how great it was. That’s the best part. You can get land here. Dirt cheap. That’s because, and I know this is hard to believe, the city doesn’t even know who OWNS lots of the land. Most of the tax records are so outdated, they can’t even figure out who owns what, or if anybody owns it at all. How great is that!!! I mean, you can go down to City Hall to find out about property, and some desk jockey will have to go rummaging through 3 x 5 note cards with the information on them. Most of the time, they can’t even find the lot. Some houses don’t even exist, at least on city records. Talk about hitting the jackpot. No taxes for me!!! Makes Florida and Nevada look like financial cesspools. I’ll take four crackhouses for $1,000 Alex. Woo-Hoo!!!

So what are you waiting for? I can’t believe you haven’t left yet. What, do you want a hand-written invite from King Kwame himself? Come to Detroit. Just for the fun of it!

wholenewlight

Crap, All I have is Amish Buggies and "shoo-fly-pie"

But I do have a new Macaroni Grill . . .

Your city brings a whole new meaning to the words, "Dgrin meetup and shootout"

I'm packing my bags right now . . . :rambo
Thanks for the invite.

gluwater

Now I've heard Detroit is "nice" but I've never been there myself. I did go to school in Flint for a year and OMG was it just fabulous. The people are great, once my friend even got to keep his wallet when he got mugged there, and the abandoned factories were an architectural masterpiece. If Detroit is anything like Flint, I'll have to find time to visit.

JimM

What crawled up your rear end? I live in a burb of D-town and it is not that bad. Did you go down for the All Star game? It was GREAT! Clean, fun, tons to do, all kinds of friendly people. Absolutely terrific! All big cities have problems, but why broadcast ours all over the country? I take pride in what Detroit is working to become. As for the crime, it is significantly better than many other cities and the rates are way lower than years past.

Give Detroit a chance, it is improving for the better!

Khaos

JimM wrote:

What crawled up your rear end? I live in a burb of D-town and it is not that bad. Did you go down for the All Star game? It was GREAT! Clean, fun, tons to do, all kinds of friendly people. Absolutely terrific! All big cities have problems, but why broadcast ours all over the country? I take pride in what Detroit is working to become. As for the crime, it is significantly better than many other cities and the rates are way lower than years past.

Give Detroit a chance, it is improving for the better!

I live in a burb outside of a dead crime ridden town also. I've heard the "we're on the way up" crap all my life. Graft, cronyism, organized crime, disorganized crime, and corruption prevent that from even becoming close to happening.

If you're so high on it's improvement, why don't you actually move into the city? It would be very cheap and you could buy a lot more land for the price that you paid in the burb. The lack of confidence in being protected from crime might be it, huh?

You went to an event where the city goes out of its way to promote and ensure it keeps the dregs in line for at least a couple of days. After that it's back to the usual.

Seriously, move into that lovey town before you spout about how great it is and will become.

dragon300zx

Hey jim. So where you from? We should get together and shoot. You should actually come shooting up in Mackinaw. Anyways. I alas cannot take credit for writing this. I don't know who did it came to me in email. Thought it was kinda funny. Detroit isn't bad if you stay in the downtown area's that are popular and well patrolled. If you get off the beaten path though.... I go there often, just thought it was a good sattire peice on how far the city as left to go before it really can rival new york or chi town.

JimM

I am actually in the Brighton area now. I grew up out here, but just spent my last 5 years in the Royal Oak area. We would go downtown at least a couple times a month. As you said, downtown is not bad, the outskirts are though. The other guy suggested moving down there... he is wrong... it is not cheap, actually outrageously priced, as it is priced for what it "will be" as opposed to what is is. (I actually like Cleveland, although if you are referring to Akron, it is ugly).

Just signed on the DGrin today. I don't know anything about a Mackinaw shoot, but sounds fun. Tell me more. I did send you an email also.

ginger_55

I grew up in the Detroit area, my grandparents lived in Detroit. My mother grew up in Detroit. Well off educated family, social register types. Well, what else can I say, Detroit has morphed as have many cities.

I grew up in the Huntington Woods/Franklin Hills areas, to be exact. Went to Kingswood, Cranbrook, Bloomfield Hills: can't get much nicer. Those places, areas, were where I started my photography, plus, riding, tennis, and what all.

I went to the Detroit area to visit my mother in the early 80s and again for her funeral in 1987. It was a happy place for me..........beautiful. Sad to think, but it will remain a memory. I don't think I would want to go without my mother there. There is no family left there that I know.

Many cities, and surrounding areas, are not what they "seem" depending on many things.

Now, I live in Charleston, South Carolina. It is a city to be lived in. Unfortunately it has become too expensive for many/most Charlestonians. The old houses are being bought up as investments and/or second homes by northerners. However, it is not dangerous as one thinks of Detroit. Having lived in the area since 1984, I do know how much things are changing even here.

I guess about what I can say is that home is home........where ever that is.

ginger (Most satire like that is kind of an inside joke. There are columns being written about the changes in Charleston. Since they are more subtle here, they are ignored. Places like Detroit can sound very scary. What was that movie? I wanted to see it and never did, not my type of movie: it was in the last few years.)

I would think one could go to Detroit, with the right contacts, known as "protection", street photography might be interesting.

dragon300zx

Ginger,

I think your thinking of 8Mile. Good movie, some graffic content though. And I agree detroit is a great place to shoot. Just make sure you have Tiny, and Guido with you (my friends hate it when I call them that).