What to do different?

Midknightc3

I don't like them, but am curious what people think I should have done differently? I was going for a low key dramatic shot with a subdued feel (I'm not the greatest at describing such things). I think I should have been more to the left, at an angle, and I like how she is looking over her shoulder on the color one more then straight back of head on the B&W image. One light directly to her left, little bit of fill light at models 4 o'clock.
1. 2.

Thanks!
Clark White

Hackbone

The first one is very confusing to me and I'm not sure why. My eye keeps bouncing all over the place and that means there is no center of interest to stop ones eye. The bright arm, the bright side, the bright area to her right with shadow, the bright area to her left on the wall, the objects on the shelves.

The color in the second one seems to unify all of the above. If her face was more visible I believe it would be much more interesting or crop out everything to show just the back. Don't forget to retouch the bra strap indents.

Midknightc3

I tried cropping this even more so it really just showed her back, but I didn't feel that it flowed very well, so this is what I came up with. Did a little retouching on the bra strap marks, but I would need PS to do more, and figured it wasn't worth that since I'm just using this image as a learning tool for composition and lighting (she asked that I not post this anywhere outside of a forum like this, she's rather modest).


Thanks again!
Clark

PhilD41

I am by no means qualified to critic, but I can give you my two cents... the image is very busy. She has a lot going on with her hair (which is fine) but then you add the shelf and objects... the wall hanging behind her head... and the pattern on the sheet and it just gets to be too much. I would have tried to limit the props, not sure if that is exactly what they should be called, in the background and found a solid color sheet. You want her to be the center of attention and right now I spend most of my time trying to figure out what everything else is. You could also shallow up the DOF to provide more separation between her and the background as well.

Like I said, just my two cents as I am learning how to do this thing as well.

anonymouscuban

I agree with both posts so far. The color works better because the "stuff" around her is much more monotoned. One thing I don't like is the wall art right behind her head. It really is distracting the way it gets interrupted by her. Either frame her with it or leave it out. I say the latter.

The other thing to me is that I don't see any purpose to her standing there like that. I think this idea could really work but the pose will make it or break it. I keep imagining her in a more sideways post, not all the way but may at 45°. This will bring her face in more profile. I would have her "doing something" with the shall. Like adjusting it. And I would bring her gaze down over shoulder, as if she gazing down the line of her body. You'll have to play around with this idea. Maybe have her put on the shall, remove it, do other things she would naturally do until you find a pose that works.

Midknightc3

Exactly the kind of advice I was looking for, thanks all! I'm pretty good about knowing if I have a good image or not, but if not I'm pretty bad at trying to figure out WHY it's not that good. I will implement all your advice next time I get a chance to take some pictures of her!

Clark