The background and lighting isn't working for me. She's too close to the backdrop and the light is too even. I'd pull her away from the backdrop a bit and dim the ambient lights to get more dramatic light on her face and create a vignette against the backdrop. If you can't dim the ambient light, lower your exposure and raise your flash power. Or both. I'd also try this same pose but just tell her to look up with her eyes. Also her hair is a bit messy.
-Jack
An "accurate" reproduction of a scene and a good photograph are often two different things.
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An "accurate" reproduction of a scene and a good photograph are often two different things.