Today's Dog Joke

Andy

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!"

:lol3 :lol3

System

:hung

Shay Stephens

Jen and I just about hurt something important laughing at that one!

ginger_55

You guys must spend all your time in the dark(room).:uhoh

Andy

nandysso wrote:

:hung

Eh? Who are you again?

rahmonster

:lolThats a really good one.

Shay Stephens

Ya, pretty much

ginger_55 wrote:

You guys must spend all your time in the dark(room).:uhoh

Anson

Ahhhhhhhhhh!
now that is a GOOD one!

Bob Bell

Very nice Andy

I have to wonder how many times the family of Andy has heard that with the son of andy being so dismissive

System

gee, Andy, why are you pickin' on Tennessee?--

just cause we don't like lyin' sons of bitches?--

(I know, I know, the lab had puppies)--

is this a weekly feature?-

george

DanielB

Ginger_55 wrote:

You guys must spend all your time in the dark(room).:uhoh

no kiddin

Justiceiro

At one of the most tens moments of the Cold War the Americans and Soviets realized that if they continued building more and more nuclear weapons they were bound to destroy the whole planet one day.

So at a summit one day, George Bush (senior) and Mikhail Gorbachev, both dog lovers and both convinced that their respective countries had not only the best scientists, but the best dogs, sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog the world had ever seen, and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Soviets found the biggest meanest Rottweiler females in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They
used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the most bad-ass canine in human (and canine) history. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and even its trainers couldn't approach it.

Well, the Soviet Union came and went, Bill Clinton became president, and the world changed. But both countries had spent so much time and effort that they decided to have the dog fight anyway. When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with the strangest dog that any of the ex-soviet (now russian) scientists and diplomats had ever seen. A nine foot long dachsund. All the Russians felt sorry for the Americans, as their best bioengineers, geneticists, animal trainers, and other dog experts could obviously come up only with this sorry beast, which wouldn't last ten seconds with the snarling leviathan of the Last Soviet Dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged right at the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and swallowed the Soviet dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of theSoviet hound. Not even a hair.

The Vladimir Putin came up to the Bill Clinton shaking his head in
disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest
Rottweiler females in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."


"Hell Vladimir," said Bill, "We didn't mess around with genetics or dog breeders, or none of that stuff. We just called a team of the Best Miami plastic surgeons we have. Even so, it was awful tough getting that Alligator to look like a dachsund."

Andy

Molsondog wrote:

Dear Dog(s):


I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

!!! how true, how true