what do you do when the bride tells you...

dangin

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

gus

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

I'd tell her to ring the Lifeline because apparently they care. Sorry but i refuse to even hold a conversation with people this stupid.

Antonio Correia

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

Hi.
5'6 and about 200lbs means to me that she is short and fat.
I use meters and kilograms.
That is not very important, I could make the conversion but ...

Tell her you are sorry she is fat and that she should be thinner.
Tell her that being fat, is a World problem and she is like many Americans are (I mean rather fat).

Tell her the population of many countries in the World is going fatter because they don't eat correctly and eat too many sweets, humbergers, fat and junk foot. I call this food "plastic food".

Ask her what has she been eating latelly.

Tell her gently to have a look at herself in the mirror.

Tell her to go to the a doctor ( a nutricionist ) explaining him that she want to become more elegante, slim, nice.

Tell her that if she gets thinner it's Healthier and she will feel better than she does.

Ask her if she makes exercise. Does she walks 3,5 kms everyday or does she seat and watch TV all the time ?

Tell her that in shops it's easier to get clothes, because normal sizes clothes are easier to find and are more available.

Ask her if her fiancé loves her.

She will anwser yes.
Then tell her: Well that's the more important thing.
By now !
Tell her to ask her fiancé if he would like her to be thin or have a correct weight.

Ask her if she feel confortable in her own skin.
If she does, it's OK.

Try to make a little Photoshop to make her thinner (!!)

Try to get the good angle of the girl with her beautifull skin.
I'm sure she has beautifull skin, like most of the fat people...

You do have tried the good angles ... I suggest from top to bottom ... Plongée type

(I have never been fat !!! myself)

Cheers. I hope you can convince her that the photos you shot are the best you can do now and promise her that you will get more pictures of her when she is thinner and nicier !

Tell her she is very nice the way she is. Lie. Doesn't matter. Make her feel happy.

Take care and ... succeed !!

bsvirginian

Seriously there isn't much you can do or could do. I've come across this on occassion. Did you do any tight shots? Maybe you could re-configure some of the images so that they were tighter.
Probably all you can do is apologize and suggest that she take a couple of weeks and then get back to you. That is once the "I'm a bride and I'm so pretty" syndrome eases.
Hopefully you got all of your money up front or before you photographed the wedding. Of course, this is only ONE reason that we insist on up-front payment. BS

marlof

Aaron Johnson dealt with this scenario in his (excellent) What the Duck comic #64.

dragon300zx

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

Remind her that as the saying goes, "The camera adds 10 lbs" and when she's already a short pudge, well......

There's no real way to deal with this without insulting her at least that comes to mind right away.

I hope you got your money ahead of time cause I have a feeling she isn't gonna be happy no matter what you say to her.

dangin

fortunately, i did get paid in full before their wedding. i'm just at a loss for words. there's nothing i could come up with that would address the issue without sounding crass or worse, indifferent.

it doesn't help when her husband is like 6'4" and not rotund.

urbanaries

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

Ok, before all the fat girl haters get their soapbox bronzed, wanted to offer the devil's advocate here. This is a toughie. Did the bride ask you beforehand if you could "flatter" her with your skills? Was she upfront about her self-consciousness, and made her choice on photographers based on who could photograph her best? If so, I think she has a right to be miffed, although from your post I doubt this is the case.

If you shot her from a low angle on a good number of important shots, and/or with a <50mm focal length, you could have done her more justice.

I've personally seen wedding photogs shooting from ground level a heavier bride on a staircase, and that's (to me) ignorance bordering on cruelty.

A photographer's number one job that day is to make the bride look as gorgeous AS SHE CAN BE. This includes proper shooting technique to minimize flaws, and PP to take that a step further if possible and/or requested. If her nose was large and beak-ish, would you do a backlit profile? Think not.

Granted, you are not expected to make a size 16 look like a size 4. Setting expectations in this area is key.

It'd help to see some of the shots, and give a better evaluation of how strong her argument is.

Curious what the Shay-meister has to say on this topic.

saurora

I agree with Urbanaries that it would be helpful and a good teaching tool for the forum, to be able to view some of the photos and critique with the intent of offering solutions! People are all different sizes, and I've seen some beautiful portraits of heavy people, to just criticize her weight, without viewing the shots she is complaining about, is pointless. I would be interested in what her complaints are about specific shots, in order to avoid making those mistakes myself. Of course, she could be just overly sensitive (and in denial) about her weight and the shots are just fine!

dangin

urbanaries wrote:

Ok, before all the fat girl haters get their soapbox bronzed, wanted to offer the devil's advocate here. This is a toughie. Did the bride ask you beforehand if you could "flatter" her with your skills? Was she upfront about her self-consciousness, and made her choice on photographers based on who could photograph her best? If so, I think she has a right to be miffed, although from your post I doubt this is the case.

If you shot her from a low angle on a good number of important shots, and/or with a <50mm focal length, you could have done her more justice.

I've personally seen wedding photogs shooting from ground level a heavier bride on a staircase, and that's (to me) ignorance bordering on cruelty.

A photographer's number one job that day is to make the bride look as gorgeous AS SHE CAN BE. This includes proper shooting technique to minimize flaws, and PP to take that a step further if possible and/or requested. If her nose was large and beak-ish, would you do a backlit profile? Think not.

Granted, you are not expected to make a size 16 look like a size 4. Setting expectations in this area is key.

It'd help to see some of the shots, and give a better evaluation of how strong her argument is.

Curious what the Shay-meister has to say on this topic.

she made no requests beforehand regarding trying to get a more flattering view of her. i tried my best to zip around and get different images of varying perspectives of her. i.e. partially covered by the groom so that just half of her is showing, but smiling.)

it got tough at the reception when she says "get a closeup with me and ___"

oye.

System

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

Walk her over to a mirror. Then hold up the pictures and ask what she would have changed.

bham

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

Ask her to be more specific. I shoot a lot of events of the same people and they get comfortable with me, so they ask to see the shot immediatly and tend to give me a lot of instant feedback. I have learned certain girls don't like their arms in the frame if its coming from the side, they think their arm looks fat. Certain girls say, "boobs up", because they don't like their waist, etc. Others are worried about double chins, etc.

Does she have a recent picture of herself that she does like? If she can then point out what specifically about the picture she likes then it may help you understand more specifically what she likes and doesn't like and maybe decide if you can crop, photoshop, etc a few pics to satisfy her.

dangin

truth wrote:

Walk her over to a mirror. Then hold up the pictures and ask what she would have changed.

eek. i think that question would invoke an onslaught that my martial arts training would not be able to defend against.

mercphoto

truth wrote:

Walk her over to a mirror. Then hold up the pictures and ask what she would have changed.

Holy smokes that is rude. Its also ignorant about what portrait photography is all about. I don't do many portraits or weddings and I'm not particularly good at them. But I do know enough to know that portrait photography (and I'm lumping the wedding in here) is NOT about accuracy. It is about being flattering.

System

mercphoto wrote:

Holy smokes that is rude. Its also ignorant about what portrait photography is all about. I don't do many portraits or weddings and I'm not particularly good at them. But I do know enough to know that portrait photography (and I'm lumping the wedding in here) is NOT about accuracy. It is about being flattering.

Aside from a fun house mirror a short fat girl is always a short fat girl. It's her delusion. The sooner it's broken down for her the better. You'd actually be doing her a favor.

Antonio Correia

I received this Private Mail from one of us which I will not identify.
From this thread.
Interesting !
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antonio Correia
Hi.
5'6 and about 200lbs means to me that she is short and fat.
I use meters and kilograms.
That is not very important, I could make the conversion but ...

Tell her you are sorry she is fat and that she should be thinner.
Tell her that being fat, is a World problem and she is like many Americans are (I mean rather fat).


Alright. I'm so sick of your pig headed boorish BS hiding behind the notion of your poor grasp of the English language. You're critiques of not only this question but of photographs on dgrin in general are 99% of the time completely useless and totally insulting. Top that off with your rather meager skills as a photographer, especially considering you've been pursuing it for over 30 years, and I'd say you really ought to find a new hobby. Unless of course you're like many Portuguese (I mean mentally retarded). If that's the case keep up the good work. You're shining beacon of hope in a sea of despair.


My anwser was: Touché !!! roflrofl

mercphoto

Antonio Correia wrote:

I'm so sick of your pig headed boorish BS hiding behind the notion of your poor grasp of the English language.

I would have been impressed if he had written you in Portugese.

Terrence

Everyone here that is in perfect shape, please raise your hand. Seriouslly folks, dangin is here asking for help on a serious topic. Half of this thread is making broad generalizations of people and cutting tasteless jokes. Now, I'm not offended by any of this, but I think dangin deserves some courtesy. Let's give back the thread to constructive criticism.

mercphoto

I think we need some example photos if there is to be any constructive advice to give.

dangin

Terrence wrote:

Everyone here that is in perfect shape, please raise your hand. Seriouslly folks, dangin is here asking for help on a serious topic. Half of this thread is making broad generalizations of people and cutting tasteless jokes. Now, I'm not offended by any of this, but I think dangin deserves some courtesy. Let's give back the thread to constructive criticism.

thank you.

i'm off to a shoot now but i'll post an image or two this evening when i finally get home.

Shay Stephens

dangin wrote:

she's unhappy with the way she looks in all of the pictures because she looks fat in them. and she's mad at you as the photographer for "making her look bad" however in reality, she's like 5'6 and about 200lbs; finding a flattering angle is, well, difficult...

serious question.

Misplaced anger. She should take her anger and channel it where it will do the most good...exercize and diet. People need to learn you don't get anywhere shooting the messanger. A photographer can only do so much. We don't use magic fantasy recorders. They are called cameras for a reason.

And my guess is she wasn't very comfortable and didn't emote. Even the ugliest person in the world can look interesting and compelling if they have real emotion beaming from their face. But even the most beautiful woman on the planet can look horrible if they have a stone expression, don't interact with anyone, and try to hide from the camera.

It's not the photographers fault you look bad sweetheart, you did that all on your own, fat or not.

Shay Stephens

Terrence wrote:

Everyone here that is in perfect shape, please raise your hand. Seriouslly folks, dangin is here asking for help on a serious topic. Half of this thread is making broad generalizations of people and cutting tasteless jokes. Now, I'm not offended by any of this, but I think dangin deserves some courtesy. Let's give back the thread to constructive criticism.

I am fat. I know this. I don't think I look too good in photos. But I do know I look a whole lot worse if I try to hide from the camera, become self conscious, or try other things other than just have good time and let the cameras catch what they may of me an my personality.

There is a problem with fantasy brides that don't have a grasp on reality, and for them, there truly is no way to satisfy them. And it's not even worth it to try and entertain it. Stop it at the source if you can, if not, then deal with the inevitable disapointment, and move on. There is nothing else you can do for these type of people.

bsvirginian

My wife photographed a wedding a few years ago where the bride was at least 100lbs overweight and the groom was about 50 lbs over. She really didn't know what to do. Basically she just treated it like any other wedding. We got a couple of thousand dollars in reprints from the wedding. We were both surprised. Maybe its like the golfer who's ball is behind a tree. "what tree?".
And did I see someone using my initials earlier? BS:ivar

nikos

[SIZE=-1]Shay got it right -- definitely misplaced anger. Try misplacing some of her money by offering her a photo-editing package that would absolve her of her sins. The liquify filter is a very powerful tool in photoshop and with a couple of tucks here and there, she could be very happy with the results.

Nikos


[/SIZE]

SloYerRoll

Before you go the instant Richard Simmons route and tell people you can shed a few of those unwanted pounds them up by using liquify techniques. Get some practice on this tool. The tool while very powerful is difficult to master w/o leaving remnants of pp work.
I've been a design enthusiast for 8+ years w/ photoshop and this process is still timeconsuming.
Listen to the earlier advise and learn to roll w/ the blows. This girl would have probably

Halliday

This thread needs some photo examples.

JimM

Halliday wrote:

This thread needs some photo examples.

Agreed, in the interest of the bride, you might want to hide her face?

dangin

i'd rather not post any distinguisable pictures of the couple out of respect to their privacy. but you can get a gist of it.

Halliday

I don't get the gist..sorry. Her hand looks a bit big. She looks a little wide from behind, but who wouldn't

Are we talking about double chins, muffin tops and things like that?

dangin

Halliday wrote:

I don't get the gist..sorry. Her hand looks a bit big. She looks a little wide from behind, but who wouldn't

Are we talking about double chins, muffin tops and things like that?

tough spots include: double chins, large upper arms, and an uneven spray tan to name a few things.

Shay Stephens

dangin wrote:

tough spots include: double chins, large upper arms, and an uneven spray tan to name a few things.

None of those things are caused by bad photography.